I've thought about this post for the past month. So many words to align together into word-salad sentences of nothing. Caesar or house, and what kind of dressing?
Today I am tired, my head is fuzzy, my spine sore, my heart aches as I cough for nothing, my tonsils are pale and sickly while the membrane around them is an angry red. My eye sockets are deep and bruised, showing how thoroughly sleep - the lack thereof - has punched me square in the face for weeks. Of all the horrible things this year, too many deaths, the continued trauma, the fallout from one abusive person after the next, the spiraling mental health into depression that simply could not be ignored another day, thinking I was sick when I wasn't, endless nightmares...all that 2018 decides to leave me with is actually being sick. Fitting.
I suppose some folks feel I deserve that: you're entitled to that feeling, and I'm entitled to be sick of you and your ridiculous bullshit. See also: tumblr, enjoy eating yourself inside out.
I think I'd like some ranch. No tomatoes, please. I always forget to ask and I always end up putting them off to the side. They're good when cooked but that raw earthy taste just isn't my jam. Thank you.
There have been some really, truly outstanding moments with folks this year. The Halloween event. Phoenixflame Creations helping me with a couple models (you need to go buy all their stuff). Great friends, loved ones, to push me to do something I needed to - I'm on antidepressants finally. My doctor is kind, compassionate, pushing me to take care of everything else I've been putting off. Everything I need at this moment. I'm on my way from being undead back to being alive. Just need my friendly little ghost to show up and save me. Maybe it has.
Still adjusting, so not sure how 2019 is going to shape up yet. Here's to a better one for all of us though. Stay well. Don't Hold Back. Happy New Year <3